Introspecting Spectacularly

I have been told severally that my feeble attempt at humor is my way of hiding what I feel or what I want to say. Not really. If you really listened, and I mean REALLY listened, you would actually know exactly what I’m saying. But we are humans. Listening is not one of our strong points. I do have places and people I express myself to. My favorite expression area of all remains my journals. I do love journals. They let you rant, rave, roll with excitement, without judgment.

To prove the people thinking I am well above human and I don’t have super days or bad days wrong, I snatched an excerpt from a journal entry that I did at the beginning of this year. It is important to note that while I did what I do best, hid from the darkness in the comfort of my house, I had the best new year ever. Long story. Mostly introspection. And a smattering of warm fuzzy feelings.

1st January 2011

4:08a.m.: – It’s a new year. The year started brilliantly. So here’s the story…… (censored info)…… I have therefore decided I’ll go with the flow, do what feels right at any given time, listen to instinct, do a lot of introspection and do as little second guessing of myself as possible. For some reason, I can’t get the word ‘Spectacular’ out of my head. I suppose these will be my words of the year. ‘Introspection and Spectacular’. I begin to think what my role in the universe is. Deep down, if we listened, we can always tell what our role is. We are however too busy running away or making excuses that we do not give these roles or the natural talents a chance. So why can’t I do this? Accept the role, which I have determined is (censored for security reasons ). What was that God did to people who did not utilise their talents? Something about taking these talents away and handing them to more deserving people? People who will utilise them and not just store them and have dust accumulate on them? This is what I want to do this year. And listen. Do as little complaining as possible. Be grateful for what I have. Be patient. Stop running. This will not always be easy but if I am to realise my role in the universe and be part of solutions, then the least I can do is try…….

And it’s downhill from there. So there you go. I suppose I might just have some resolutions in there somewhere. Oh, and if you find this excerpt cryptic, well, as I said, we are humans. We don’t listen too good. Don’t beat yourself up too much. Have a spectacular year instead.

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