Accessing Mother’s Payslip

This morning I get a call from mother and the first thing she asks me is ‘do you have internet?’ No ‘Hi. How are you doing? How is Junior? Has he gained weight?’ Completely out of character for her. I pull the phone from my ear and look at the name on the screen. You know, to be sure it really is mother calling. I quickly get the phone back to my ear and go ‘hello?’ She impatiently repeats, ‘can you access the internet?’ I tell her, ‘not at the moment, no. My net is down due to power problems’. That is one thing that the current rains have brought along with them. Water is definitely no longer a problem but electricity and by extension, thanks to fibre access, the internet, have been intermittent if not entirely unavailable. Back to mother and asking me about the net.

Before you wonder why I’m going all shock-faced about her and internet, you should know that she never took to computers too well. Meaning internet is a completely foreign thing (pun included) as far as I can tell. And the scientific conclusion here becomes mother-computer-internet-meshing…, is equal to or less than zero. You should also know, that my mother works for the government, and hers is what I call the noblest career of all. I mentioned it once when I was asked if I could change jobs what I would get into. She is a nurse. Has been since before I was born. And I am not young. Just a little young. Off track again.

The reason she is asking after internet and probably why she is suddenly feeling impatient and quite possibly out of her element, is because the government has decided they will no longer hand civil servants physical payslips. Anyone requiring a printout of their payslips will have to go to some site to access it. All hail the technological age! Now, neat, physical records have been mother’s pride. So much so that she once announced to her friends and my peers during a tea party that she still holds my nursery school report cards and books. I’m not even going to go there! That’s mother for you. You can now see why she is angry with the government.

Another reason that is equally upsetting dear mum, I’m guessing, is that the said payslips have been a guarded secret ever since, well…, EVER! Not even me, the first born in the family has ever laid eyes on the said documents. Pentagon or even the KGB have nothing on mother and hidden records. This will be a ‘wikileaks’ moment for me! She even went and gave me her password. That must have made her swear and go to church for confession. I imagine. I’m a little giddy but I cannot openly show excitement. The woman is capable of opening a can of whoopass on me so I’m never one to pull unnecessary stunts on her.

I shall now cease with the excitement post lest she one day gets access to my blog and go savage on my behind. Heading off to do the daughterly thing and help mother out with a printout.

Meanwhile, woooohooooo! I finally get to see mother’s payslip! *does a cartwheel*.


23 thoughts on “Accessing Mother’s Payslip

      1. Even if I promise not to divulge the contents to junior? I know he has been given those “when I was your age I was to be on top of my class speeches” hence perhaps the need to keep the said records in fort knox?

      2. O yes! Sure! Let me trust you with the one secret that would diminish my capacity to bark the phrase ‘When I Was Your Age…’ *mutters under breath*

  1. Why not teach your mum how to ‘fish’? 🙂
    I wish i could lay my hands on your nursery docs, then i would do the cartwheel [with a horse in front…] hehe

    1. I sit and think about teaching her how to ‘fish’ and that image is not pleasant. For so many reasons. Also, you shall never lay hands on those docs cartwheeler with horse infront. That was creative hehe.

    1. Tehe. I know. Can you imagine the brave teacher who bravely undertook to teach the woman computers? Gah! I want to meet the brave soul and give them a hug.

  2. Ha ha Caro. went through the same with my mum.You should have seen her grudgingly giving me the username and password!

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