– Plus Life and Times of carolkmail

Of Non-Tooth Fairies And Teachers Failing Our Kids

shocked-womanLet’s get one thing out of the way, right off the bat. Junior is not young and naive any more. The things that used to fly with him no longer do. I discovered this in the most awkward way. The other day, he came home with one of his tooth pulled out. He had stored it in his now empty water bottle. He went ahead and asked me that since he has now learnt to pull out his teeth, whether I could put more money under his pillow. His ballpack figure was Kshs.100. Here’s some perspective for you. I always used to put Kshs.10 under his pillow as he slept, and we all went along playing the “tooth fairy” ruse. I have absolutely no idea when or wherefrom, that he discovered that I am the “tooth fairy” over and above the mother! Now here we are, tooth in hand and Junior asking for a raise of 900%. I, of course, am staring at him with this “deer in the headlights” look. Should I apologize for calling myself the “tooth fairy”? Should I send him to his room for extortion and playing dump for God knows how long?

Another thing we need to get out of the way is there is no better person to raise a child than a parent. That said, our generation is the working parent generation. This means that not only are we busy bringing home the bacon from 8am-5pm (ok this phrase is ridiculous how much bacon can people eat?), but we are also finding ourselves eating into more hours in our days, including weekends and public holidays (we Kenyans love these but we love money more). This means, no matter how much we wish to spend time with our children, they end up spending more time in school with the teachers. Thus, giving the teachers a responsibility to not only teach the children but also educate them in the ways of the world.

So Junior comes home last evening and as he dumps his heavy sack of books he asks to nobody in particular; (really sometimes he just throws questions out there for anybody to pick up and answer him) “why are girls treated better than boys?” The adults in the house look at one another and assumes he must be talking to himself (he has inherited this from me that’s why I know he was not swapped at the hospital). After realizing that we are all playing deaf, he repeats. This time, he throws the question to me. Now here, ladies and gentlemen, is where I have to be very careful how I handle this situation. We have already determined that fairy tales no longer works with this boy and even for candid talks, I am not interested in confusing him more than I have to. So I go ahead and ask him why he thinks this is the case.

The story goes that during break, one of the girls was trying to get the attention of some boys who were playing but the boys were so engrossed with play and they really did not have time to engage the poor girl. Wait, no. This girl is not to be referred to as the “poor girl” because as soon as one of the boys decided to dismiss her and tell her to go and find another game, the girl went ahead and kicked the boy! Yes, I know. At this point, the boy is nearly flying in a blind rage, but luckily, the teachers are always keeping a close watch on the children as they play, and SHE intervenes. Notice how I have capitalised her gender. You will see why. At this point, recess is cut short and said teacher is having a chat with the kids and what he tells them is that girls are delicate flowers and they should not be treated badly. Of course the boys start asking, “what if the girl hits a boy”? The teacher says that it should be reported.

Now, the above response, is, by all intents and purposes, the best and the teacher was right, up until then. Where she failed miserably is when she went ahead and told the children that girls cannot take care of them and it is everyone’s responsibility to take care of them. She then went ahead and said that boys are supposed to be strong and should not cry and when they get hurt, they should tough it out. They should not report everything that happens to them and they should be able to handle a little roughness. Agreed, they should be able to handle a little roughness. But who said that they should be treated different than boys? Is it a wonder that today’s male figure is feeling left out? That the girl child is getting all the attention? Does that mean that men do not have issues that should be equally addressed? What happens when that boy grows up and he has to interact with society? Do you think he will have the same understanding he would have had if he would have received all the care and attention that he needed when he was young?

Back to Junior and I. I painstakingly took time to inform him that it is true, boys tend to be stronger than girls and he should never feel the need to push or hit a girl. If the girl does similar things, the best thing to do is to walk away and report it to the teacher or let me know for a more diplomatic handling of the situation. I did emphasize that all human beings are equal and we should all try to treat each other with respect, just like we would like others to treat us. Hence, the situation of “why are girls more special than boys” was sufficiently diffused.

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4 responses

  1. 90% raise? That’s more like a 900% raise he is demanding!! Poor tooth fairy! Good lessons though — for me I have to struggle telling the girls that the boys are no more special than them and that they must toughen it out with them without expecting special treatment…

    September 28, 2016 at 7:01 am

    • kenyanmom

      Charles, I think the effort is what counts. It’s better to struggle getting the girls to understand than just throwing in the towel and hoping someone else will come in and save the day!

      Yes well, the tooth fairy is dead and buried! No more Missus Nice Tooth Fairy!

      September 28, 2016 at 10:19 am

  2. woolie

    Parents walk and amazingly tight rope indeed. Our daughters did stuff than many boys their age would be scared to attempt – the older one even abseiled down tall buildings and jumped out of a perfectly sound aircraft with a silk umbrella and other stuff.

    Ma and pa taught them early on that they could do anything that boys could do. Expect equal treatment and be the best that you can be at whatever you do. Giving ‘special treatment’ for boys or girls only goes to undermine their confidence in the real world. Every child is uniquely special.

    The young Junior would do well at the head of any negotiating committee 🙂

    September 28, 2016 at 9:08 am

    • kenyanmom

      Indeed Woolie! If we don’t empower girls and keep calling them delicate flowers, then they grow up with a false sense of entitlement. On the other hand, if we keep telling boys to toughen up, then we push them to habits that they think is a sign of a tough boy! Peer pressure becomes an issue as well.

      As for Junior’s negotiation skills, I know. I am in trouble. I am toying with the idea of engaging a lawyer!!!!

      September 28, 2016 at 10:17 am

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